Do people think Peanut is going to recover, to catch up to be cured? I think a few people in our lives think this is a case. Peanut improves and grows every day but he will never not have Autism. Even if he does well academically and even if we teach him all the correct ways to be self sufficient, social, blend in and put up with us all. He will still think differently in the future he might just be very skilled at acting "normal" acting "neurotypical". His brain is wired differently ( its true, its science) So please if you are one of these people please stop. Stop waiting for him to catchup and stop hoping he will be cured and get over it. Its not helpful, what is helpful is appreciating his differences understanding how he thinks and works and loving him despite, regardless and because of his Autism. Work with the Autism not against it, we need people that think differently in this world.
I feel like I haven't written in a while even though things have been happening. First off let me start by saying the lice went and much easier than I thought Peanut looks amazing with short hair. We have been on school holidays and having catch ups with friends and just relaxing. This wednesday backpacker stayed with the kids all day while I did day 1 of a 2 day positive partnerships workshop. This is a free program about how to better communicate with schools how to tackle those tricky teachers and IEP's and how to know your rights and stand up for yourself with out getting emotional. For me its been so valuable Im a pretty proactive mum but sometimes you just get stuck or confused by the system and with Peanut next year attending two schools, Mainstream 3 days with an Aid some of the time and Early intervention the other two days this is going to come in handy. Im not super pleased with the mainstreams schools responses so far they have been a bit hit and miss my initial reaction to the school was good ( its big but pretty and well established nice trees and the kids seems okay) but then I found some flaws and I had people chirping in my ear " oh they are not a good school the students are messed up blah blah the teachers can't control them" and various other bits of wisdom (I didn't ask for) we live in a low socioeconomic area and there are children with all sorts of needs behavioral and emotional which is why I was actually told in the first place they perhaps would be better able to deal with a child with autism compared to the higher end schools with middle class students ( mainly people from working class pasts immigrating and pretending to be above their stations). Surely that makes sense that the funding allocation and understanding of special needs would be better at a school thats seen all sorts of children from all walks of life. yes / no? Meh who knows (not me). Private is too expensive for us I don't want to send my son to catholic school due to the fact I might burn alive when I walk in. Id like to walk him to school and I've not heard great things about the other school in walking distance and its on a main road. There are a few others public schools not to far away 5 - 10 minutes drive that have good reputations with special needs but I want to give his local school a chance. Any way I have started rambling back to the facts I now feel empowered and like I have the right tools to approach the schools and ask for an IEP or CAP meeting before next year and I will be ringing about it next week I want to know how much aide time and If we can meet the aide and teacher for next year and see the class room, I can bring my LAC along and therapy focus if I feel I need it. The program also made me sad that so many parents and carers felt alone. I have Skips and they have been a wealth of knowledge, support and understanding and because of this I feel positive and prepared. Some of these mothers and fathers were lost, never pushing for things they are able to receive no knowledge about programs and funding options they are entitled to. Part of me got angry at them. "where have you been why have you just been sitting back excepting this you have no right to complain if you never went out and scratched the surface and pushed for more information" some people had excuse after excuse and were so negative but then I was angry that the information can be so hard to find. By the end of the second day most people had made friends and started to become more positive and were ready to take the next steps but there were still a few that still had not grown like they were upset they didn't get that special and all mighty magic pill that was going to "fix their child" any suggestion people come up with was knocked down even though they had not tried it and that made me mad! I think its the lack of knowledge people have about what they can and cant apply for and the fact people aren't working together for each child individually because they don't know where to start. We are only at the beginning of my journey and Im ready to roll Im nervous and excited and Im sure we will have good years and bad years but I feel better prepared. I also feel like Id love to be a part of the disability sector helping those familys and children get what they rightly deserve. In Other news Peanut started Early intervention ESC Thursday and did well the teacher mentioned "he has a few scuffles over compliance but things he will get there soon". He has a little boy in his class whom is the same age and will be attending with Peanut until the end of 2013 his mother seemed lovely. The others kids will be heading off to mainstream or esc year 1 at the end of this year as they had been there nearly two years and were close to or already 6. On Thursday after school Peanut started speech therapy with his federal funded service provider. Peanut did really well considering he was tired. His therapist (now named Irish) used the words visual genius she said he has very good with nonverbal language (eyes gaze pointing etc - that surprised us) and also his vocab and pronunciation was good (this we already knew). There was one bit that nearly brought me to tears. The speechy started to play simon says and Peanut was doing really well then she wanted to stop and get him to go get something but Peanut wanted to continue and he said Simon says close your eyes, so she copied and then he said close mouth and close chin (lol) and finally close ears she helped him along with the simon says bit but I was so proud of him Ive never seen that side of him before he wanted to take control in the correct way and that to me was the first spark of proper joint play with anyone else outside the family and certainly the only joint play Ive seen that require verbal skills ... so cheers to that!
Peanut and Shrimples started swimming lessons again today. We have tried a few different places that did not work out. Until I thought Stuff it Im going to ask at my old swim school (where I taught under 3 year olds and where the boys used to swim when we first moved up here) I asked If I could cap the class at 2 kids ( mine)and have the best teacher and explained the reasons (one being Peanut and Shrimples tend to walk all over doormats like most kids their age). They made a lesson time for us before anyone else started 8:30am and gave us bubbles (a happy 35 - 40 year old english woman who is super enthusiastic and seems to really enjoy her job - even though I know she is underpaid and stinging and stinking with the chlorine after each shift). Peanut screamed all the way through his last lessons at the special needs swimming program just 5 months earlier, he would not listen and not kick or blow bubbles or float on his back, and Shrimples had not been to swimming lessons in 6 months and those lessons where parent & baby lessons cause we just could not afford to have both of them in lessons. We got our services providers to make up some visuals and I went last week to chat to the teacher and informed her if she treated Peanut as if he was not capable he would act that way. The lessons started great she greeted them told them to sit on the edge, peanut started to point at the noodles and said "noodles now, now noodles", she was fun but firm and told him they were going to play games, They sat on the side kicking their legs Shrimples was a little champ and Bubbles asked Peanut to watch Shrimples. They used the kick boards, played games and Peanut did everything he was asked, as she took each one out deeper the other had to watch on the side at times and this was a struggles for both of them Shrimples had to be told twice to go back and wait and Peanut about 4/5 times but he GOT IT !!! he was waiting on the edge jumping up and down constantly happily stimming through out the whole lesson. Shrimples was a little star and I was so impressed with him he listened well and was so good! Peanut has a little bit further to go but my god she got him jumping off the side blowing bubbles kicking his legs and floating on his back! they both kept their goggles on for the whole lesson! There was lots of clapping and praise for both boys and they loved it !! As I sat on the side watching I was so proud, Proud I had made this decision and stuck to it, proud I had stood up and told them what I wanted out of the lessons and got everything organised (sometimes I can just book something in and let others take charge forgetting I know my kids best and when things go wrong I sit and say nothing and just pull them out), Proud of Shrimples being so good at listening and doing so well at swimming and giving everything a good go and proud of Peanut for over coming things that were a struggle for him in the past with no help from anyone from the start of the lesson to the end he had mastered things that he couldn't in a previous 10 week block. Watching Peanut jumping up and down stimming away with the biggest grin on his face while Shrimples would turn and give me a thumbs up my eyes started to well up. Together we can do anything, we just got to find our groove!
I worry alot about how other kids will treat my boys. Bulling is a horrible problem and especially when you are clearly different, I was raised by a lady who never let me see differences. My Mum she is amazing and brilliant and I think without trying she taught me that differences are good important and essential.
Peanut and Shrimples both have a long way ahead of them in this world and I already see bullies emerging at 3, 4 and 5 years of age. Are they really bullies... umm I guess not but will they be yes I think so these kids continuously point out differences instead of marveling in there beauty.
I once got told by a 4 year old girl that she would not play with the other girl ( who wanted to play with her) because she had a silly laugh and her other fiends would not be her friend any more if she was friends with this new girl. My heart sank. I sat down with both girls and explained that everyone was different and that if she just gave her a chance she could be an amazing friend. It didn't work! the girl refused to believe me and walked off. What would her parents think if they had heard it Im sure they think their little girl is sociable and has so many friends she must be nice and caring.
So Im asking you all (even those of you who think your kids are amazing and nice to everyone) talk to them make sure they are interacting with all sorts of kids regardless of Age, Sex, Religion, Abilities or Skin Colour. Read them books and show them videos about differences. Teach them to give everyone a fair go and to respect everyone. Make sure you also don't react badly or overly patronizing to kids with SN without thinking.
Last week Peanut was called stupid by a class mate. I went to this mum after school and told her he had said these things, She was not shocked by what her son had said as apparently he picks on people alot. This made my really sad.
We have alot of friends with kids around Peanut and Shrimples age and Im thankful for all of them. The parents for still hanging around us and the kids for just being there and not teasing Peanut he doesn't interact alot with them and has become more withdrawn around other kids as their language explodes and his does not and the more he gets teased and called silly names the more this will happen until its next to impossible to crack that shell and get it in find that wonderful boy. I am very thankful for those little gems in the playground that play with all kids and don't seem to care about anything accept is this kid fun? Those little gems make my day and Peanuts too. I always make a point to thank their parents and tell them how nice it has been.
Everytime your kids picks on another kid a brick goes up around that child and the child will either withdraw or becomes aggressive and they could turn into a lonely or bitter adult. but every time your kid accepts another a brick comes down.
I asked one more thing of you if you see or hear of bulling don't put up with it teach your children to speak up and stand up! If you hear your child talk about a little child at school that gets picked on tell the teacher talk to the parents find out if they know about it and maybe invite them around for a play.
PLEASE DON'T FORGET THE IMPORTANCE OF ACCEPTANCE!
Just because a kid with Autism is different, it doesn't mean they wont turn out to be the best friend you've ever had.... EVER!
