Teach kids to be accepting

 I worry alot about how other kids will treat my boys. Bulling is a horrible problem and especially when you are clearly different, I was raised by a lady who never let me see differences. 
 My Mum she is amazing and brilliant and I think without trying she taught me that differences are good important and essential.  


Peanut and Shrimples both have a long way ahead of them in this world and  I already see bullies emerging at 3, 4  and 5 years of age. Are they really bullies... umm I guess not but will they be  yes I think so these kids continuously point out differences instead of marveling in there beauty. 


I once  got told by a 4 year old girl that she would not play with the other girl ( who wanted to play with her)  because she had a silly laugh and her other fiends would not be her friend any more if she was friends with this new girl. My heart sank. I sat down with both girls and explained that everyone was different and that if she just gave her a chance she could be an amazing friend. It didn't work!  the girl refused to believe me and walked off. What would her parents think if they had heard it  Im sure they think their little girl is sociable and has so many friends she must be nice and caring. 


So Im asking you all (even those of you who think your kids are amazing and nice to everyone) talk to them make sure they are interacting with all sorts of kids regardless of Age, Sex, Religion, Abilities or Skin Colour. Read them books and show them videos about differences. Teach them to give everyone a fair go and to respect everyone. Make sure you also don't react badly or overly patronizing to kids with SN without thinking.  


Last week Peanut was called stupid by a class mate. I went to this mum after school and told her he had said these things, She was not shocked by what her son had said as apparently he picks on people alot. This made my really sad. 


 We have alot of friends with kids around Peanut and Shrimples age and Im thankful for all of them. The parents for still hanging around us and the kids for just being there and not teasing Peanut he doesn't interact alot with them and has become more withdrawn around other kids as their language explodes and his does not and the more he gets teased and called silly names the more this will happen until its next to impossible to crack that shell and get it in find that wonderful boy. I am very thankful for those little gems in the playground that play with all kids and don't seem to care about anything accept is this kid fun? Those little gems make my day and Peanuts too. I always make a point to thank their parents and tell them how nice it has been. 


Everytime your kids picks on another kid a brick goes up around that child and the child will either withdraw or becomes aggressive and they could turn into a lonely or bitter adult. but every time your kid accepts another a brick comes down. 


I asked one more thing of you if you see or hear of bulling don't put up with it teach your children to speak up and stand up! If you hear your child talk about a little child at school that gets picked on tell the teacher talk to the parents find out if they know about it and maybe invite them around for a play. 


PLEASE DON'T FORGET THE IMPORTANCE OF ACCEPTANCE! 

Just because a kid with Autism is different, it doesn't mean  they wont turn out to be the best friend you've ever had.... EVER! 

Options Options Options

 Will I always have to give peanut options so he can answer more complicated questions?

Probably not but its going to take some hard work!

Peanuts and Shrimples fav book at the moment is Norman the slug with the silly shell they have had it for years but only now is it halerious and Peanut reads it constantly (when I say reads I mean makes noises looks the the pages, scripts some lines from it and laughs a lot). Our speechy wants us to move onto conversations!! argh I feel these are YEARS OFF, YEARS !!!  Ages, Zonks, Miles away.

 We sort of know the whats this? and whos that (if they are right in front of us) although Peanut can be very specific  “Peanut what colour is norman’s shell?” (it’s a pink donut with sprinkles)…  waiting waiting .. “ what colour is it?” …….  “purple!” did he get it wrong? No not really, cause mummys fat fingers were closer to the purple sprinkles then any others and that’s what peanut probably thought I ment sometimes I think his brain works likes this ( please note I actually have no idea what peanut is thinking so this is just me guessing really)

what colour is it? what colour is it ?… Is she really seriously is she asking this again what the fuck! is she colour blind?  jesus woman! What fucking colour do you mean? its got blue and purple and orange and green and pink on it.. ohh wait let me just read you mind and guess “purple?” 

I thought I could start by asking questions like what happens next and what does he do now? and what does he use to help him fly all relating to the story he/we have read hundreds of times.

And its goes like this

“What does Norman do next Peanut?”

Waiting

 waiting

 waiting  

“What do you think he does next”

Waiting

 waiting

 waiting

“How does Norman get away from the bird?”

Waiting

 waiting

 waiting 

I can see Shrimples sitting there ready to burst! But he is amazing and knows Mummy will say his name if she is asking him a question and he knows it and he is sitting and biting his tongue  and still thinking his brother is amazing and he wants to be just like him. 

Sometimes I wonder if kids think Peanut is so so aloof its cool   ohh man this guy wont even answer questions talk to us or join in  he must be the coolest kid ever

 I give it another year before he really gets teased and kids  put two and two together

Hey he is not cool or aloof or mysterious like we thought he is just odd!

Older kids already do this they either baby him or tease him. I really hope and pray (even thought I don’t actually pray) that Shrimples can always look up to his brother and have an understanding that he is different and not less (thank you Temple Grandin) and I also hope shrimples never gets teased for being peanuts brother and is not ashamed of him. Any way all this is to come Im on a tangent

So after this going on a while and me seeing peanut getting annoyed and shrimples about to explode I give in and say 

“Peanut do you think Norman jumps up and down or slimes his way  out“

“Slimes his way out” he says with ease

I turn the page to reveal and answer and excitedly say

 “ OH YES !!! GOOD PEANUT, YES HE SLIMES HIS WAY OUT  that’s what Norman does next, He slimes his way out and gets away from the bird”

then we read for a bit I asked shrimples some questions he answers with no problem before I ask peanut another one I stop reading

 “Peanut what does Norman use to fly?”

Waiting

 waiting

 waiting   

“Peanut what do you think Norman will use to fly?”

Waiting

 waiting

 waiting

“Will Norman use pants or an umbrella to fly ?”

Waiting

 waiting

 waiting

 thinking 

 thinking 

 thinking

 I said umbrella last but really he knows the answer is pants but cause I said it last its in his mind and blarp out comes echolalia

“umbrella?!?”

"Try again, Will he use Pants or umbrella”

“PANTS!”

“yes that’s right he uses the pants as wings to help him fly”

 I end the story thinking OH MAN!! when will I have a conversational boy?

 Peanut ends the story thinking "OH MAN when will she stop asking me questions I knows she knows the answer too and aren’t that important any way”

And Shrimples ends the story Thinking  “Oh man that was a great story”

Side note: Peanut had his first show and tell today  he took in his book the teacher said she read the book to everyone and Peanut kept yelling out  “What happens next ?” “what does Norman do?”

Flash, Raven, Boop and Bee xxxx

We recently had to say goodbye to Peanut and Shrimples cousins and Aunt and Uncle (my brother).

They are moving to the other side of Australia and I wish them the best we don’t get to see them much any way being a 5 hour drive from each other but when the cuz’z get together it’s a blast. My brother Flash, is a hands on dad with his girls Boop (5) and Bee ( 3).  He runs after the kids lets them climb all over him and is genuinely hilarious to all children they love him always have. He is the dad at the park making all the kids laugh by playing the fool. Peanut usually takes a while to warm to people but Flash and Raven( my sister in law) have a way of cracking through Peanuts shell pretty darn fast.

So all the kids run around having a ball being eaten by monsters and dinosaurs and using up all their energy and imagination, we all get involved. We had a really great day but it was an emotional good bye (we are the sort of family they don’t need to live anywhere near each other to still be close) recently Flash and Raven have been having a not so great time. Flash damaged his ankle on the job over 4 years ago and its been pretty stressful on them all he has been the stay at home dad with the girls and doing some odd jobs here and there and Raven has been the main earner. Raven was offered a job over in Canberra and it was too good to miss out on. 

On friday the 13^th (yep I know bad luck and all) two weeks before moving they found out Raven had Cancer yep the dreaded C word, Crappy crappy crapy ole Cancer. Raven had surgery on friday (for the second time in a few weeks) and will start on radiation therapy once they move to Canberra.

 It all looks like its going to turn out okay but its been a rough ride for them.

I guess this post of my way of acknowledging them and letting them know how proud of them I am. They just keep fighting and striving for the future with their amazing girls. 

Both Boop and Bee have hearts of gold, are really smart and incredibly beautiful and I know they will grown into amazing strong women. Xxxx 

to divulge or not to divulge???

A trip to ikea today turned into a very interesting thought process to which I am yet to find and answer.

Dropping Peanut and Shrimples off at the creche for the first time today I signed them in and mentioned Peanut was in the progress of a ASD assessment so as long as they show him where the toilets are he will be fine and don't worry if he is jumping up and down flapping alot and not really talking.

Off I went to shop and I didn't have much to do just a filing cabinet for Backpackers office so I wandered through fairly fast and within 10 minutes was on my way down to the self service bit (you end up walking back past the creche) and I heard Peanut crying and was about to continue on when I heard we better page his mother so I stopped in and asked what the problem was. They didn't know, he was a bit flustered but not to bad just crying and pointing outside. I walked around with him for a bit trying to settle him and worked out he wanted to climb through the tunnel and wanted someone on the other side to look at. Its a glass type tunnel that you can see from the showroom floor.  I explained that mummy couldn't fit in the tunnel and he settled a bit and the creche worker came up to me and said  "Im really sorry we are not able to keep him any longer" " Oh okay so you want me to take him with me"  "yeah .. bye Peanut" So I explain to peanut we are leaving and he is to put his shoes on, he does as he is told as Im picking up my bag a hand touches me shoulder and says "Im so sorry, you must really have your hands full with him"  Now this is huge no no to say to ANY Parents, but especially those with special needs kids (I will rant about that another time).  


I let it slide and we continued on with our shopping, collected Shrimples and went upstairs for breakfast and then another walk around the store (Peanut likes it as you never have to turn back on yourself).


Any way I was a little upset and mad and it got my thinking, If I hadn't told them would they have just comforted him, or just let him cry a bit, would they have just thought he was a bit emotional? would they have had to page me?  Did the Autism word scare them? I wish I could have seen what had happened and how they were handling it. Should I have told them? we have always said despite Peanuts diagnoses we would not treat him differently and we would not expect any less of him than his best (what his best is we are still unsure).

I still don't know what to do or say or what not to say or what we are going to tell him when he is old enough to understand  he already knows he is different but do we keep it at "Peanut everyone is different and you are just a little quirkier than the rest". We will always celebrate our differences I have no doubt  and we would never use any dx as a crutch or excuse for anything. 

Ive had a few people tell me with regards to swimming lessons and other sports to just let the teacher/coach/instructor work it out for themselves and I must say during SN swimming classes they let him get away with murder.

It wouldn't take long for the teacher to work out something was a bit lopsided but if there was no "label" would it make it easier or harder? as it stands Peanut has a Specific Language Impairment, which just opens the doors to more questions. One friend mentioned "I dont think there's a need to mention that to any one...people straight away form their opinions and then dont even put in the effort of getting to know the child". 

I fully agree this could happen but then I think is it my duty to tell them? And why not assume they will do the right thing by your child?

to divulge or not to divulge??? 

The world has a new super hero

Helmetron is one of Shrimples newest alias’s he has a giant blue helmet and tiny blue swimming goggles and usually pulls a crazy face and does silly dances. I like this new guy he’s got swagger  (I think that’s the world the young people of today are using, or maybe old people just say it to feel young). He is a very good runner and likes racing. He can't spin webs, but he can skate, jump high and fly. He even has his own theme tune which sounds alot like spider man's theme tune.  

We are a family of great imagination, which can be crazy fun at times. I’ve always had an alias and often given alias’s to others. Kung fu Sally must be one of my personal favourites she is a kung fu kicking bad arse and came out mostly when I was pregnant with Peanut but she still shows up occasionally when Im teetering on tipsy.

It can be hard work being an adult sometimes but if you act like a kid it can be a whole lot of fun

ASSESSMENT CENTRAL “ Professionals” are interesting creatures

Well its assessment/therapy central here. After our Speechy and OT came around to work on some stuff with Cameron and train myself in a new technique it was on to the more serious business of DUN DUN DUN AUTISM ASSESSMENT TEAM!



First stop was the psych Dr HUGE eyes, she had massive eyes  and  was a stunning looking lady prob a bit younger than me. Peanut didn’t look at her or respond to her at all. Peanut played while Dr HUGE eyes and I chatted and did questionnaires it took 2 hours. In the end I asked if she thought it likely he would receive a DX and she is not sure!! WHAT! I nearly burst into tears. His GREEN FLAGS are imagination, affectionate(cause of corse half way through he came up for a big cuddle)and lack of obsessions. So she will be contacting the school and I’m hoping they put in a bad word for him. Dr HUGE eyes mentioned severe communication disorder (well yes we know) sensory issues (yep got that) and Anxiety problems (I would have never guessed). But as of yet is unsure if he will qualify for an ASD DX.



Second cab off the ranks the Social worker (I usually hate these people) lets call her SLICK, she was a very slick looking older woman.


Well it turned out better than expected after a very calm relaxed boy to start with I got an upsetting phone call from Nynie which then made Peanut decide he didn’t like this SLICK person (If Peanut had a super power it would be being in tune with my emotions even if I hide it super well and don’t say anything so he put  mummy being upset with strange lady and BAM).


Peanut got upset all of a sudden, wanted her to leave and started to shove her out the door screaming "bye bye, go that way, bye seeya later, BYE!" at her. While waiting for her to leave he decided unlocking the door was a good plan which let our dog out. The dog ran away which triggered a massive meltdown with us all including SLICK running down the street after the dog, Peanut screaming! The dog did a second bolt for the park I gave up (running down the street with a 3 and 4 year old screaming at you is not fun) We turned around to get the car and that set him off screaming more (in peanuts mind the dog was going for a walk without us.) I had to drag him up the street get the boys in the car. We searched for the dog for 10 minutes all the time Peanut is screaming, "Where’s Gilligan" (that’s our dog by the way). I give up and we turn around and go home. Then I see the bloody dog is waiting for us at home! Peanut is screaming cause he then didn't want to get out of the car and SLICK watches me struggling and pulling Peanut out of the car screaming at the top of his lungs. She left after that and we went inside Peanut continued to freak out for another 10 minutes, I filmed it all so I can show them what we have to deal with. The situation was diffused when Shrimples came out with a tray full of cupcakes. 

It really couldn't have gone better if I had planned it. Thanks Gilligan 

I have a secret… SHHHH

 Don’t tell any one  but I just turned 30 !! I know I don’t look it from the stick figures drawings but yep Im 30 now the big 30  3…0 and I tell ya I feel no different at all.   The only change in the last few years is a swap from cover girls foundation to Maybelline age rewind. I still don’t use moisturizer even when I had the time I didn’t do it, its just not me I’m a natural beauty ( well thats what I tell myself) and to be honest my fatness stops my face looking wrinkly so its all good!

My lovely mum came up (she has a farm down south that makes some of the worlds best olive oil) Lets call her Nynie and she brought her dad with her, my Pop, popperoni, popicles. Who is 88 and one of the most amazing men I have ever met. The boys adore Nynie and Popperoni. So Im super excited to know they are in very capable and fun hands while Backpacker and I went to a 5 star hotel for the night Nynie took the boys to the Zoo and had to deal with a meltdown before leaving over a toolbelt having to be removed from peanut, which I know was hard for her to deal with to see him so upset over what for us is nothing is hard to watch.

She said the boys were good to be honest as long as they are alive and well when we reunite I don’t care if Shrimples was swimming with penguins and Peanut climbed into the lions den   what I don’t know wont hurt me. 

So Backpacker and I booked in to the hotel early bounced on the beds looked in every draw and cupboard and Backpacker sat at the inbuilt office pretending to transfer over a gazillion dollars into our bank account. We walked around the shops went for high tea and then met up with my AMAZING FRIENDS! We all went Bowling, on to dinner and ended singing like rock stars at karaoke.

So now it’s actually my birthday I am 30 and I’m waiting for nynie to return with peanut and shrimples cause I did really miss them. I’m also waiting for the hangover fairies to go away! and the housework fairies to come and clean this darn house cause as of tomorrow it is the start of all the Assessments from the Autism team, and I’m shitting a brink I really am. Super nervous and I get upset if I think about it too much. It’s been a long time coming but its still hard to think of Peanut with an official label. 

Stop talking about Autism and start focusing on your own children

I belong to this forum which has some amazing members but some of the members are so obsessed with disproving their children are autistic (Im sure most are not autistic) and proving Autism is a massively over diagnosed disorder, they are taking the whole purpose away from the forum which is ment for parents to come and discuss therapies, schooling, family and friends and most importantly their children.

I don’t know if they are right or wrong about a epidemic and I really don’t give a shit two hoots

It clearly states when joining the forum that:

"This forum does not serve the needs of parents with Autism. And that discussing vaccinations, diets or sensory therapies will not be tolerated", and its not."

So when you are going through that evaluation phase at times it does not seem like the friendliest place to go and its been suggested by some members that if you are seeking that assessment you have a lot of other places to go which is all well and good but slightly unwelcoming. Peanut has all his assessments coming up next week/month and I really don't feel like I can talk about it to them without being shut down by some of the members( again Ill say most are really lovely and fine)"

When Peanut was 2.5 we went down the Autism route (I was pretty sure he was autistic had autism what ever you prefer to say)and were told it was unlikely by an early intervention team. So I joined this group and all the green flag vs red flag talk convinced me my son was not Autistic cause they, these other kids do that and they are fine but really their kids were not my kid and I was not looking at the big picture the whole spectrum that was Autism. Last year Sept we went on a holiday and peanut was withdrawn, anti social, playing with the bottom of the springs on the seesaws, waking up at 3 am and grinding his teeth we also noticed then that he does not like to turn back on himself (it’s a bit hard to explain) but basically if your going for a walk it better be a circle route or you will be walking  for a long time. Any way I didn’t feel I could talk to them about this I felt like  I waited to long to have him assessed properly for a second time I really did and that was my choice but I do think a lot of misguided information lead me to make that decision and wait as long as I did.  I think sometimes I get the impression people are scared to include a psych in the evaluation process but yet they go on about getting and accurate diagnoses, how can you if the a psych is not involved? Iv actually read posts from senior members  that have said "DONT NOT LET THE PSYCH DO ANY OF THE TESTING"! Why was I scared to get him assessed if I really didn't think he was autistic?  

Don’t get me wrong the majority of the members are amazing well education and they all want what’s best for their children and I have made some great friends from it. but whether my son is or isn’t diagnosed with Asd I don’t think it’s the place for me any more. 

Its great that parents have a place to do to talk about language disorders and delays (and there really are not enough places for this) So I guess my question is if its states "This forum does not serve the needs of parents with Autism" why all the Autism talk? recently it was spark by another member being banned (or as the forum moderators want to tell you she requested removal) after feeling the same way as I have expressed here. There was a pretty good discussion on the board about it but most people just did not get it, We are not bagging there judgement and we are not telling them their children are or could be autistic. We were just stating that from what you read from the forum you get a certain idea of what Autism is and how it looks and what flags are green and red, and some of these theories for instance being social and having an imagination. Its not one thing that makes your kid Autistic or not Autistic its a whole spectrum of signs. So please go out and meet kids with HFA or PDD-NOS meet their parents have a coffee and a chat.  1 or 2 things will happen  
1. you will say ohh well maybe I should look into this further or 2. oh good yep there is no way my child would get a diagnoses based on what I now know, and then you can all stop worrying. 

I would also like to thank all my family and friends who support me with all my indecision during this time of insanity LOL  xxx you guys are the BEST I know you all probably saw it long before me! 

Pirate Peanut

Peanuts school photos were done about 2 months ago 2 days after he had a nasty incident with his face and the bookcase. The book case won!

So after all the other parents at schools shocked and horrified faces when they saw his puffy, protruding, black, blue and purple swelling with a slit in it where his eye once was, I thought it best I let him wear his pirate eye patch for his photos. Now I have this absolutely adorable photo of peanut in an eye patch grimacing, Its his first ever school photo and I am MEGA proud of him !!                                               Unfortunately they wouldn’t let him wear it for the class photo so I also have a picture of 8 miserable looking, 1 happy student sitting nicely on benches and peanut to the right sitting on the teachers lap looking as if he is having a spasm with the biggest cheesiest grin on his face. Meh what can you do. 

Oh Shrimples Shrimples Shrimples !

Shrimples is a character.  Intelligent, Funny, determined and cruel (only to us).

Picture crazy white hair, blue eyes and the grin that says I just did something wrong how long will it take you to work out what it is.

He is not a bad egg at all he is caring and helpful and the best communication partner and friend for Peanut but he gets a kick out of being just a tad naughty.

He drinks juice out of a pink shot glass and says things like  “Mum, MUMMY I’m really sorry, I’m really sorry okay, I wee’d on the towel” when in fact he didn’t.  He also ends most sentences with ALRIGHT! as a statement rather than a question. 

He is an absolute charmer and says things like “Mummy, you’ve had a hair cut… It looks so nice” when I haven’t had one in years and “ ohh man mummy you are the best painter in the whole world I think. Yes I’m sure you are” - you've all now seen my pictures so he is clearing lying and growing up into an amazing con man he usually says these things completely out of the blue like he is buttering me up for the big sting. 

He has a dark side he is so indecisive and has a tantrum over the fact that I cut his sandwich the wrong way. He moans a lot and really does give me the impression that this 3 year old has a the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He is my little crazy man whom as I type is out in the thunderstorm screaming like a banshee at the dog 

What’s so heart breaking about a kindy group performance?

Ever heard the saying square peg round hole. Peanut isn’t square and he ain’t round he is an odd star shaped thing with extra bits on the side, top and middle trying to fit into the most boring shape imaginable. 

Everyone sitting down singing - Peanut standing up in front like a statue, Everyone standing up doing their dance - Peanut is sitting on the chairs with the audience and letting out the occasional squeel.

Everyone doing their singing and movements which peanut loves to do normally but no Peanut is sitting in the teacher aides arms pretending to be a stunned mullet!

Peanut is different yep you got it he is the kid that pisses most parents off the one making constant noise and running around like a loony and when all you want him to do is blend in he walks right in front of you trying to get your kids performance on video! Well Cameron wont ever blend in and you know why? Cause Peanut is Absolutely Unequivocally Terrifically Individual, Sensation & Memorizing.

I’m never going to let him blend in and I don’t care if other parents want to tut and send scolding looks my way and try and make me feel ashamed of my parenting skills. Well I’ll never be ashamed Peanut is amazing and we made him that way.

I’m thankful every day he is not DULL!  If he was he wouldn’t fit into our family as the most “normal” member is the half and half black bits and pieces odd looking dog we have.

But after I said all that though it is hard and it is heart breaking but not because Peanut is who he is its because this world doesn’t seem to be made for odd star shaped things with extra bits on the side, top and middle. 

xxxxx 

Dear Diary.... No just kidding

Im not really super sure where to start but this blog is about our life together as a family so I guess I should start with when  I "madame pomfrit" met "backpacker". He was handsome I was skinnier than I am now. He had more hair I had less. We hit it off and he moved in VERY VERY soon. 



Then we moved back to the UK Got a house had wonderful promising careers and gave it all away for PEANUT!, aggh peanut the love of my life Mr was born Jan 2008 and was the perfect pumpkin headed baby! Later that year, very soon after Peanut came we found out Shrimples was on his way too! 


We packed up moved back to good old Perth Western Australia and Shrimples my little pudding was born in March 2009, Shrimples how should I put this? Well he was an UGLY BABY! really ugly really not handsome at all born in 11 minutes at 9 pound he was big !! whooa was he big and he had a face like an old german man that had just smelt Gorgonzola. Thank god he has grown into that face and now we have two of the most handsome boys in the WORLD!! yep apart from peanuts "sponge bob" like teeth and shrimples plank nose. 
I think we did pretty good.

That brings us to now mid 2012. Shrimples is 3 and currently on the waitlist to get a diagnoses of "pain in the butt syndrome" and Peanut is 4 and next month goes for an "autism assessment". Backpacker is going great guns at work well respected and starting out on his own soon ready to make me some big bucks!And me well Im a mum or should I say "MOM" cause its one of the hardest jobs in the world NOT! cough cough if it was would I have time to blog heheh hell no!  


Come back sometime and I will fill you all in on our life its going to be so exciting you will wonder how on earth you lived without me!



xxxx